i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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