Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
