perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
