I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
