I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
