someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
