That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
