I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Come on in and take your pants off
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