Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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