i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
