All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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