Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
