So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
