So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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