I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
