She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
