Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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