I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
