the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
