dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
