I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
