Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
