OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
