i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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