You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
