We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
