Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
