I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
