I'm eating all of the evidence.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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