She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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