He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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