she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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