I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
