My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
