Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
