I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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