Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
