Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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