Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
