Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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