I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
50% drunk capacity currently
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
