I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
