i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
