Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
