1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
