a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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