Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
