And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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