low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
