He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
