i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
